Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Old Chix

Sunday was Old Chix get together...which means eating and drinking and eating, and eating..

The crowd was the usuals, C, M, P, me, and...drum roll...favorite Old Chix alumni, L, who has no secrets and has never met a stranger.

We talked about the usual stuff old wimmen talk about. Hairy chins, fat stomachs, shrinking lips, hot flashes, the fact that wimmen worldwide think there is only one place to poop and that is in the privacy of their own home, spouses and/or significant others.

L is in BIG LOVE after having finally dumped a husband of decades who treated her like the proverbial fecal matter. We now know more about this man than any person who has never been intimate with him should know. We know too much...way too much. We also know too much about the new love...again, way too much. It was hilarious.

And the best part...I avoided washing the weenie (we're talking horse weenies here). Yes, after having over imbibed (at least food wise) I didn't make it to the barn to complete the dreaded task. Darn. I was so looking forward to it too (NOT).

This is why I didn't make it.

What I ate...Round 1
(and drank)


Cheesy eggs
Home Fries (I keep hoping they'll be good...they weren't)
Tri Tip
Fried Chicken
Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

and.....Diet Pepsi

2nd Round

Cheesy Eggs
Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

Apple Pie
and finally

Rocky Road Pie

The deserts are never as good as they look at those buffets, are they? Or is it just me?

As I sit here with my top button undone to avoid cutting off the circulation in my lower extremities, I no longer wonder why I'm fat. Apparently washing everything down with Diet Pepsi fails to negate previous calories consumed in mass quantities.

Who knew?

Probably everyone but me...it's the stoopidist thing.

In the Disney world where I want to live, the process would be completely different. Mass quantities of calories could be consumed as much as your little heart desired with no ill effect or added girth. Chocolate milkshakes would be the beverage of choice with every meal. And old wimmen would never have gray hair, wrinkles, and pimples at the same time. (I have some serious complaining to do about this when I get to Heaven)