Sunday, July 25, 2010

Stoopid Thing I Did

I was blow drying my hair this morning, bent over at the waist and I happened to see my bare shoulders. Oh, my God...when did my arms shrivel up like prunes????? It was like looking at my grandma's arms. Until this time I had no idea. I think I was happier not knowing this. It's the stoopidist thing.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Stoopid Thing I Did

I was at work the other day and went to the bathroom. Walking back to my office, my underwear started creeping up my butt. Now I know I'm old and set in my ways, but I really don't know how anyone can stand thongs. Everyone I know who wears them thinks they're great but I just can't get around the fact that you're deliberately giving yourself a wedgie. I'm getting sidetracked. So anyway I turn into our office and try to discreetly remove the wedgie from my butt. For some reason I turned around and there was some guy I'd never seen before walking behind me straight towards our office. Why does this always happen to me??? Why couldn't I have waited until I was safely behind my desk to pick underwear out of my butt??

Thank God he didn't come into our office. I was mortified enough without having to actually speak to him. Sad thing is, I don't remember what he looks like so I can't even avoid seeing him again. I'm sure remembers me though, because how many people do you actually get to follow down the hall while they're doing the duck walk trying to get panties out of their butt? While being completely oblivious to their surroundings? I'm also sure every time he sees me he tells whoever he's with that he saw me picking my butt. That sounds paranoid doesn't it??

I'm so stoopid.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Stoopid Thing I Did

One time when I was working in a dispatch center, I went outside to smoke. It was a nice grassy area, trees, shade, picnic tables. After my smoke I went back to work and sat in our brand new, ergonomically correct, chairs. Then, as I curled my feet underneath to sit cross legged it hit me...the stench unlike any shit.

I had tracked it from our nice grassy area, down the stairs, all over the carpet, and, since I sat with my feet curled up under me, negating the benefits of the ergonomically correct furniture, smeared it all over my pants and new chair.

The boss, who was a germaphobe (is that a real word?) and clean freak, was horrified. I was merely's the stoopidist thing.