Sunday, April 3, 2011

Stoopid Thing I Did

Actually it's more of a stoopid thing I said.  And now I feel guilty...and I'm not even Jewish...and why is it that guilt is always associated with being Jewish???  Why not Catholic or Protestant?  Is it an ethnicity thing or a religious thing???  Something for greater minds than mine to ponder I guess.

This is what happened. I was talking to a woman at work the other day and I was describing a man to her.  I called him a big fat slob.  As it so happens the woman I was talking to was a large woman, okay, I'll say it...fat. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew it was the wrong thing to say.  So what did I do?  I ignored it.  I went on like it didn't happen and was no big deal while all the time inside I was silently praying, as usual, that God would open the ground and swallow me up.  It seems like every time the opportunity presents itself, I happily comply and shove my foot as far down my throat as it'll fit.  Why don't I think before I speak?  Will I ever learn???  At this late stage in my life I'm thinking it's doubtful.  How is it that some people always manage to say the right thing at the right time?  And why can't I be one of those people? Do they sit around and plan appropriate responses?   I don't want to have to watch what I say every minute of the day...but then again, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings either.

Is it really wrong to use the word "fat" around someone who is "fat"?  Or do I just feel guilty because it seems wrong.  I mean if you're fat, you know it...my unbuttoned pants while I sit here typing will attest to that fact.  I don't have a problem using the word "skinny" around skinny people so why the big deal about fat?  Should I have said large?  Have you ever called someone a "Large Slob"?  I don't think so.  Wouldn't it seem weird to call someone "large" around a fat person?  Wouldn't they immediately know you were only using the word "large" because they were fat?   This is the kind of stoopid shit I think about.

Having some extra girthage myself I think I'm fat.  But compared to some other women I know (like the one I was talking to) my girthage can't hold a candle to their girthage. Then I feel guilty if I whine about my girthage around someone with way more girthage than me. Someone with twice the tonnage wouldn't think I'm fat, but I am. I have fat thighs, a fat butt, and since I hit my 50's, fat spilling over the top of my jeans...charmingly called a muffin top...but I don't know why they call it that...there's nothing sweet or cute about it.

So now my dilemma is do I apologize to a fat person for calling someone else a fat slob around them?  Should I have apologized then ?  What if she didn't notice and now I go and apologize for using the "f" word (as in fat...not fuck)?  Will she now think I'm drawing attention to her fat by apologizing for using the "f" word?  I don't really know this person that well...at least not well enough to gauge if she'll be offended more by the apology or by the original faux pas.  Is this what they call a conundrum?

I hate confrontation....worse than almost anything.  I get almost sick to my stomach at the thought of being involved in a confrontation of any kind.  What if I apologize and she starts telling me how much I offended her...what do I do then?  Cry???  Puke???  Or worse...get a giant case of nervous diarrhea??  Which would involve me being a sneak a pooper at work. I'm almost making myself sick just thinking about this.  Maybe I could just avoid her for the rest of my life..this actually sounds like an option I would choose...sad, but true.

Of course, I realize the whole incident could have been avoided had I been nicer.  If I hadn't originally been such a bitch and called some poor schmuck a big fat slob this never would have happened...it's the stoopidist thing.