Thursday, April 28, 2011

Fat Pants

Since I've gotten old and fat, most of my pants no longer fit.  In the past few years I've gone up at least two sizes and am trying to make it to a third.  Actually, I'm not really trying to make it...I'm just not trying very hard not to make it.  Does that make sense? 

I mean, I can't even keep up with daily food journals so how can I be expected to count every little friggin' calorie???  Jeez,  come on.  I don't even really know what a calorie is...I know it's some kind of measurement, but of what?  (At this point, I usually Google to find out...and I will...in a little bit.)

One of the benefits of being old is not caring so much how you look.  I mean, I try to be "presentable" most of the time.  But if I'm clean and comfortable...I'm pretty much done.  My favorite thing to wear is flannel draw string pants.  They have got to be the most wonderful clothing invention ever.  I would wear them everywhere if I could.  And the truth is I could if I wasn't afraid of ending up on one of the "People of WalMart" emails that circulate regularly.  (I have to admit I'm extremely paranoid about this.)

My favorite jeans are Levi 560's (loose fit for chubby girls).  And of course, since they're my favorites, they've been discontinued...a long time ago...so long ago that I'm having trouble even finding them on eBay. 

One day I was whining about my problem to a friend of mine who suggested I try Wrangler Q Baby's...with elastic in the waist..."but you can't see the elastic" she said..so I guess that makes it okay??  Has it really come to this??  Do we all just end up fat and wearing pants with elastic waists?  Like toddlers?

Since I trust this particular friend's judgement, I tried them.  She was right.  I was hoping she'd be wrong since I really didn't want to be buying pants with elastic waists...but comfort won out and was way easier than trying to loose weight to fit back into the old jeans.  Of course I didn't throw out the old jeans because a miracle might occur (that would be me losing weight) and where would I be if I didn't have the good old jeans hanging around?

So now I'm basically wearing pull ups for adults...but they're comfortable.  Next thing you know, I'll be putting pin curls in my short, dyed carrot orange hair with bald spots in the back that people are too polite to tell me about.  It's the stoopidist thing.