Thursday, September 27, 2012

Little Things



Little Things That Bug Me

People who say "No Worries"
What does that mean???  Does that mean they have no worries and are trying to flaunt their fabulously wonderful life in my face?  Are they trying to imply that I have no worries?  Because if they are, let me tell you, they're fucking wrong.  Is the English language becoming a spoken version of texting filled with misspelled or abbreviated words and incomplete sentences?  Are they subtly trying to give me an English test?   Next time someone says that to me, I'm gonna ask them exactly what they mean.

Thursday Night Football
Do we really need another day with a football game?  Isn't all day Sunday, Sunday night, and Monday night enough?  It really screws up my DVR scheduler when they have football games that start Sunday afternoon and go into the evening.  Truth be told, I actually like football, but I hate watching Monday night since they took Hank Jr. off.   It's just not the same without his song.

Mocha Anything
Simply calling it "Mocha" doesn't mean it stops tasting like coffee.  I hate coffee and I'm kinda sick of people trying to get me to taste "mocha" flavored treats that they say don't taste like coffee.  All things mocha taste like coffee to a coffee hater.  I know this is weird, but I've never actually had a cup of coffee in my life...and I'm not even Mormon.

Thong Underwear
I even had to be specific in the title because it could have been confused with the thongs you used to wear on your feet.  You know, the ones that they now call "flip flops" instead of thongs so they don't get confused with the Melvin inspired underwear of the same name?  Basically that's what they are...a continuous Melvin.  Everyone remembers a Melvin, right?  When someone would sneak up behind you, grab the back of your underwear and yank it up the crack of your butt?  Do you know a single person who left the Melvin in place?  No, we all did a little dance pulling the underwear out of the crack of our butt.  Now there's millions of people willingly giving themselves Melvin's via their choice of underwear.  Why do they call them Thong's anyway?  Maybe they should call them Eterna Melvin, or Melvinesque, or Melvinitas.   Who thought up this stuff anyway?  If you don't want a visible pantie line, don't wear panties.  Easy peasy.

Stale Butterfingers
You're all ready to take a bite out of a fun sized Butterfinger and when you're teeth sink in, instead of the sweet crumble buttery confection, your teeth make contact with a cement like substance that makes you worry that they're going to break.  Not only do you have to worry about breaking your teeth, but as you chew, the cementish interior packs itself so hard into your teeth that you 're afraid to pry it out for fear that your fillings will come out with it.  This ruins the whole Butterfinger experience for me.  You'd think with today's technology that they could make a Butterfinger whose inside wouldn't get rock hard wouldn't you?

When I stop and think about it, there's lots of little things that bug me.  Some of them are so petty, that I'm too embarrassed to even admit it.  I don't know why I let little things bug me, but I do.  It's the stoopidist thing...

P.S.  There's lots of little things that I love too...