Saturday, September 22, 2012

Smooth Move

I've had a bum right shoulder for a while now but it's finally getting better.  So of course, the left one is now going bad.  At first it was just a little nagging ache that would jab me when I tried to throw a saddle on a horse or a flake of hay overhead.  Fortunately when the first shoulder was hurt I bought a synthetic saddle so I could still ride.  Thanks to the bum shoulder I had to use the fake saddle again yesterday.  I can throw it on using only the semi-good shoulder.

After riding with OF, I went home and by the time I got there it was dark.  Since I'm too impatient to look for a flashlight, I was wandering around in the dark looking for dog dishes...found them and headed for the barn to feed the horses.  There's a light in the barn so I didn't have to wander in the dark down there.  Just going to and from.  From is where the trouble started...

On the way back from the barn was the first smooth move of the night.  I was just walking along fat, dumb, and happy...but the ground wasn't where I thought it was.  Have you ever gone down a flight of stairs, reached the bottom, and mistakenly thought there was another step?  Then you jam your leg down on the floor because there's not a step where you thought a step would be?  That's what happend here...only minus the stairs...which does make me a collosal dunder.  It jars your whole body.  Why is that?  It doesn't seem like I'm putting that much force into walking down the stairs themselves so what's up with that jarring, jerking feeling when there's not a step there?  Anyway, for some reason the jolting and jarring feeling was felt directly in the newly injured shoulder.  Really?  Take a misstep and it hurts the shoulder?  How is that possible?

So I get all the animals fed and I'm in the living room and I trip over a round foam pad (used on the gimpy back).  In this second smooth move of the night I manage not to fall thanks to my un-cat like reflexes and a Jerry Lewis type move that sends me jerking and staggering sideways like a drunk.  Again, the shoulder took the brunt of said smooth move number two.  This time it really hurt bad.  How can not falling hurt so bad?  I could understand it if I'd actually used the bad arm/shoulder to break my fall right before I hit the ground...but I didn't even put any weight or anything on it...just a huge jerk to my entire body. 

How come everybody tries so hard not to fall?  It's comical the lengths that people will go to not to fall.  Giant running steps, head down like a bull charging, arms flailing wildly...usually for nothing because you end up falling anyway.  So not only do you look like a dork when you fall, you end up looking like an even bigger dork for the lengths you go to to avoid it.   If you're lucky, you manage to get up relatively uninjured...if you're really lucky, nobody's captured your smooth move on video.

I think when we're kids, we should all be taught how to fall, not to avoid falling.  Falling is inevitable at some point so why not learn that tuck and roll shit from the get go?  Parents should teach their kids how to fall and pop right back up...preferably uninjured.  Although I can see how some parents would take advantage of this parenting technique and use it as an excuse to lump up the young 'uns. 

"Uh no, Occifer, I din't hit the kid, I was just teaching 'em a new tuck n roll move".......

Old people worry about falling, because they might break a hip...everyone knows when an old person breaks a hip, it's the start of a downhill road...they end up in the hospital with pneumonia and die...all from a broken hip.  Okay, it's a bit of an exaggeration to suggest that every old person who falls and breaks a hip dies...but they all think they're gonna. 

Now, not only do I have to worry about falling and  breaking a hip, I have to worry about getting injured by not falling.  I have some complaining to do when I get to heaven.  Hopefully it won't be because I died of a broken hip.  It's the stoopidist thing.