Saturday, June 11, 2011


Today I went riding with an old friend, she's old like me and I've known her for quite a while so I guess you could take the "old friend" either way.  We met  up with another friend of hers, hereinafter referred to as Blondie, and had a great ride.  After the ride we went back to her house.  Now, this is the same friend who is the only one I know that grew up eating peanut butter, lettuce, and mayonnaise sandwiches (I know it sounds gross).   When we compare our lives, we've had a lot of eerily similar things happen and have a lot of similar tastes.

Sadly, we parted company today when it comes to snackage similarities.  After our ride we went back to O.F.'s (Old Friend) house were she and Blondie were able to indulge in adult beverages.  Since I had to drive, I stuck with water.  OF wanted to know if I wanted snacks...well, duh...have I ever turned down snacks???  She says "how 'bout chips & dip & cheese & crackers" .   Yum...I can't wait.  Now call me old fashioned, but when someone says "cheese & crackers", I automatically think Triscuits or Wheat Thins and some Cheddar, Monterey Jack, or...if I'm really adventurous, Havarti.  I know it's pretty white trash, but, it's what I know.  Say the words "chips & dip" and I automatically think Frito's & bean dip.

Imagine my horror when I realize that OF has turned into a junkie...a health food junkie.  Yes, there before me was a spread that the reigning Queen of Healthy Eating, Michelle Obama, would have been proud to call her own.    Healthy delights such as Special K crackers & chips...goat cheese...yogurt dip...and last, but not least, the piéce de résistance...a tub of hummus.  I had heard of hummus before, but I never thought anyone really ate it.  I mean the name itself has kind of a phlegmy sound to it, doesn't it?  Just saying the word "hummus" makes you sound like you're clearing your throat.  And who knew Special K made crackers??  I thought they only made funky cereal that you had to add a ton of sugar to before you could eat it. 

Surely, this was a joke.  I kept waiting for her to say "ha ha...just kidding...the real food's over here" but she never did.  She & Blondie ate all this healthy shit like there was no tomorrow (probably why neither of them are Chunky Monkeys)...I nibbled...politely...longing for some serious snackage.

I know I should be eating like those two, but even though I want to be able to fit into my "only slightly smaller" jeans, I can't bring myself to eat salted styrofoam shaped like a chip dipped into a tub of stuff that makes me think of clearing my throat. 

So I came home and ate a Marie Callendar frozen dinner and had a big bowl of Mint Cookie Crunch ice cream...I can't help's the stoopidist thing.

Note to self:  Must remember to fill a gift basket with "real" snackage and take it to OF's house as a hostess gift next time.