Friday, February 18, 2011

One Eyed Jasper

A few weeks ago I came home right before dark. All the dogs, Jasper, Roxie, and Briley, who's quickly becoming renamed the Cartoon Dog, run to greet me. They're always overjoyed to see me. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I think about it. Then I feel guilty when I get annoyed because they're in my way...

The Cartoon Dog is hopping up and down in front of me, I swear she's got springs in her legs and every jump seems to say "Hi, Hi, I'm so glad you're home!!! I can't control myself I'm so happy to see you! That's why I'm jumping all over trying to get your attention!" I feel guilty for all the times I spoke crossly, scolding her to get down and vow to be more patient in the future. I know I'll fail miserably sometimes...but I'll keep trying.

Roxie is the Princess.,,she's the most polite and well mannered dog anyone could want. Roxie plays with the Cartoon Dog. She's exceedingly patient with her, shaming me for my impatience. Occasionally the Cartoon Dog will overstep her bounds and Roxie'll pin her down & show her, quite literally, who the top dog is.

Then there's Jasper, the former inside boy who's now an outside dog. Jasper hates the Cartoon Dog. She tries to play with him but he wants no part of her. When he tries to nip her she just laughs at him and runs off, racing in circles around him. Jasper loves it when Roxie pins the Cartoon Dog down...he rushes over and acts like he's part of the top dog action.

Anyway, it's almost dark and the dogs are outside the car door, blocking my way into the house, as usual. The Cartoon Dog sniffs Jasper and he snaps at her. It's a strange sounding snap and I notice the difference. The Cartoon Dog notices it too and backs off. But, I'm in a hurry, also as usual,and go into the house to get their dinner ready. After eating, everyone canine comes in and sacks out on their respective beds in the living room. All's right with the world, or so I thought.

Next day I get home and the scene repeats itself, including Jasper snapping at the Cartoon Dog. This time when he snaps at her I see a flash of red underneath the bangs hanging over his eyes. So now I'm thinking, great, he's cut his eye, wondering how much this is going to cost me. So I run in and put my ice cream in the freezer, come back call him over which immediately causes the Cartoon Dog to rush over, because heaven forbid another should get attention without her getting her fair share. I'm holding the Cartoon Dog at bay with my left hand and lift up Jasper's bangs to see how bad the cut is and there under the hair is his eyeball hanging out of the socket...

Talk about gruesome scenes. It was like a horror comedy movie. I couldn't fucking believe it. Here's this poor little dog running all over the property, acting like nothing's wrong...with his eyeball hanging out. I wondered briefly, between shudders, if he could still see out of it.

(I realize that's wrong on so many levels. But if you stop and think about it, if it still worked, he could see what's behind him while he's running, or...  I'll stop now., but the possibilities are endless.)

Of course these things never happen during normal business hours, when my vet is in the office but fortunately there's a 24 hr. vet in a nearby city. So, I call and tell them I'm on the way. After a brief, but inevitable, wait in the lobby, we're escorted to the exam room.

The tech on duty seems nice and asks me when I discovered the eyeball hanging out. I must have made some sort of disbelieving noise and/or looked at her like she was crazy because she hurriedly said "Well, we have to ask".  So I told her that I'd discovered it a couple of weeks ago but decided to wait to see if the eyeball would pop back up and re-insert itself into the socket...kinda like those toys kids play with. You know, the handle with a cup shape on top attached to a ball on a string. Swing the ball up and try to land it in the cup. Fortunately she laughed...then I told the truth, that I had seen it right before I called their office. No way the eye was going to be saved.

Jasper spent the night at the hospital and came home the next day with a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching his empty eyeless socket and ripping the stitches out. The cone lasted over a week before he managed to get it off. The Cartoon Dog immediately chewed it into little bits. Jasper doesn't feel the least bit sorry for himself and doesn't even seem to notice he only has one eye. Life goes on.

Dogs are so much cooler that we are. I would have felt soooo sorry for myself if I'd lost an's the stoopidist thing.

P.S. I'm thinking of changing his name to Little Cyclops.