The Husband and I went on a shopping expedition Sunday morning to look for flooring to replace the carpet in our house. Destination...Lowe's. Unfortunately for me...The Husband drove...in his precious Homobile (pronounced hoe-moe-beel). It took us twice the time to get there than it would have if I’d been driving...The Husband is King of the Booberdoobers, without question. By the time we got to Lowe's I was bleeding profusely from the mouth from biting my tongue.
The Husband even walks slower than I do. Once we got inside the store, I headed for the flooring section, looked around, and The Husband was ambling along about twenty feet behind me...kinda the reverse of all those Muslim countries. When he finally joins me in the flooring isle, I’ve already made up my mind what I want but now I’m forced to stand idly by listening to him explain what he thinks we should get...I automatically go into smile and nod mode.
Once we got the flooring decisions all solved, The Husband decides we should go to his mom’s house & visit her for a little while. Okey dokie...another little jaunt in the Homobile. (Every time we go in his car, I hear a little song in my head...Going to town in the Homobile, the Homobile, the Homobile...to the melody of Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush...weird, huh?)This time, however, we’re in a town...with traffic lights. I cringe every time we come to a light...The Husband actually slows down when approaching a green light...in case it’s getting ready to change. I kid you not...he does this. When he actually has to stop for a red light I can feel the rage from the drivers behind us because The Husband sits at the light after it’s turned from red to green for a couple of seconds before he slowly meanders through the intersection. There may have been two cars that actually made it through the intersection on the green light before it turned red...I may be exaggerating here...I think only one got through. I know the drivers left behind are screaming profanities at us...it's what I'd be doing in their position.
As it turned out, mom was at church so we ended up making the trip for nothing. On the way home though, The Husband nearly drove off the road about three times. I’m not sure if he was really not paying attention...or deliberately trying to yank my chain...which he does frequently. He thinks it’s funny that I scream when he drives off the shoulder of the road. Yep...that’s my guy...man of my dreams. It’s the stoopidist thing.