Saturday, January 15, 2011

Old Chix

I have three friends that I get together with sort of regularly for dinner, lunch, lounging around by the pool, whatever. We all used to work in the same office twenty years ago but still try to see each other as often as we can. All get togethers always involve eating mass quantities of food that's bad for you and consuming adult beverages (none of us actually drinks very much...really)...and laughing. We laugh about everything, and make terrible fun of each other and everyone else we know. (We also have the "Don't Tell Rule" which if invoked, means you can never utter a word to anyone else about what you just heard...I think we actually honor this)

All of us are around the same age and we've all gotten old, fat, wrinkled and gray together. Two of us have kids and two don't. We all have step kids...I personally have three, one girl from the first marriage who I lovingly refer to as the "good" stepdaughter, and another girl, who I jokingly (no really, I'm joking) refer to as the "Bad Seed", and boy from the second marriage.

This morning we're getting together for "brunch" at a local casino where I'm hoping Mimosa's will be the offered alcoholic beverage. I'm hoping there will be bacon too.

I love bacon

and fried potatoes,

hash browns, home fries, any kind of fried will do.

I hope they'll have those too.

I figure I'll go, have a couple of drinks, eat way, way, way too much, (so that I have to unbutton the top of my pants) play a few slots, then rush home to put on my sweat pants, flop on the couch and take a much deserved nap.

I love naps too.

I think last time the Old Chix were in a casino was at Lake Tahoe. One OC brought Champagne and as soon as we checked into our room (3:00 pm), we drank that. We only had one night and thought we should start early celebrating our twenty-four hours of freedom from the daily routine. We were also celebrating that nobody had to be a designated driver. It was almost like "hurry up and drink as much as we can because we may not get the chance again". Hooray, we don't have to worry about driving! After polishing off the booze in the room in short order, we made our way downstairs to...drum roll... a sports bar. We had a couple more drinks there and before too long it was time for dinner in the fancy restaurant. (My fourth grade teacher taught me to sound the word out rest-a-u-rant which I do to this day.)

By this time we're a bunch of pretty well liquored up old matronly women (is there anything worse???) and we easily, (really, it was soooo easy) made fools of ourselves in a fancy restaurant by having even more adult beverages and laughing way, way too loud. We were the hated group of obnoxious diners that night. You know, the ones that other diners look at, then look back at their fellow diners and either roll their eyes or shake their heads in mild disgust. I'm sure the other diners were just jealous we were having such an outrageously good time while they were being all prim and proper and mannerly. We thought we were hilarious no matter what all those stuffy other diners, who paid hard earned cash to have a nice relaxing dinner, thought. Sometimes it's a good thing (thank you Martha) that consuming too much alcohol impairs the memory. Thank the Lord I didn't know anyone else in the restaurant that night. The four of us were our only witnesses to our drunken ramblings. (I actually laughed so much that night that the next day the muscles in my cheeks and stomach were sore.)

After annoying fellow diners for about two hours, we finally left the restaurant and headed down to the casino. It gets a little hazy here, I'm thinkin' from the many adult beverages so far consumed, but I think we wandered around for a little while and played a few slots so we could get a free drink. Why? Because it was free...and because we needed to be a little more liquored up... and because our buzz was starting to fade.

Finally sad to say, we had to call it a night. Our brief return to the wild partying of our youth and freedom from the mundane had reached the end of the line. The Old Chix were done.

When we got to our rooms it was 10:00 pm.

Ten O'fucking clock. We didn't even last until midnight. What was wrong with us????? Seven friggin' hours???? That's all we're good for???

How's the stoopidist thing.

P.S. The next day we remembered why we gave up the drinking of our youth. We all felt like hammered shit. (I don't know where that expression came from...obviously no one would actually hammer shit, would they?)