Saturday, December 5, 2015

The Cucumber Test

Someone sent me a cat video that showed cats being scared by cucumbers. When the cats were eating, they'd turn around and find a cucumber or two laying on the floor behind them.  When they saw them, the cats would go straight up in the air...apparently scared out of their wits by a motionless cucumber.  It was really funny and there were several different cats in the montage so it's not like it was just one cat who had a phobia about cucumbers being scared over and over. That would be kinda cruel to scare your cat over and over just for you own personal amusement...like putting tape on their feet to watch them walk around shaking each leg individually trying to get the tape off.  Not that I've ever done anything like that...

So I was wondering if I could scare my cats, Wilson the Wonderful, Hudson the Horrible, and Lilli Mowbean just by putting a cucumber on the floor.

I set the stage...the kitchen floor...freshly swept of excess cat hair. The bait...stinky wet cat food...the kind they can't resist...all is ready.

Everybody has their back to me and each is intent on his/her plate of stinky fish parts.  I surreptitiously walk past and place two cucumbers on the floor...and I wait...and I watch...and think "crap I should have had a camera ready"...too late.

As it turns out, I had plenty of time to get a camera because it took them fucking forever to eat the piddly little spoon of food I gave each of them.  But who knew??

Finally after hours of waiting they turn around...one by one...Lilli was first...she didn't even look at the cucumber.  Wilson was second...nada.  I hope against hope that Horrible Hudson will reward my efforts as I wait an eternity for the little pig to finish his food...and Lilli's...and Wilson's.  Finally he's done.

And it was all for naught.  None of my cats even noticed the cucumbers laying on the floor.  WTF???

How come my cats didn't get scared?  They acted like it was a normal everyday occurrence to see cucumbers laying on the floor.  I'm no Susie Homemaker but I really don't store cucumbers on the floor of the kitchen. I put them in the food rotting section of the refrigerator where they belong.  You know that special little drawer where fresh fruits and vegetables turn liquid?  Except for oranges and lemons.  They turn into little orange and yellow rocks.

So my little experiment in cat frightening was a total failure.  Maybe God was punishing me for intentionally trying to scare my cats.  Maybe one of them has a weak heart or would have been severely injured trying to escape dangerous cucumber territory.  Apparently I'll never know because MY cats don't seem to get scared like everybody else's stoopid cats.

So much for cat scaring experiments...guess I'll just have to see how long it takes the cucumbers to turn liquid...it's the stoopidist thing.

P.S.  The Cool Cucumber Cats


                                                Wilson the Wonderful

Lilli Mowbean

Hudson the Horrible