It's The Most Wonderful Time...Of The Year

Once every few years, I manage to catch a cold that always starts out as a simple little annoying cough...which then turns into a big friggin' sinus infection. Before I know it, my nose has turned into a giant snot faucet.

Being the Google fan that I am, and because I have no energy to do anything else, a little self-diagnostic web surfing is a requirement.

I didn't get very far before reading that a person's body, mine currently, can produce up to two quarts of snot a day when you're sick. TWO FUCKING QUARTS IS A LOT OF SNOT. It's a HALF GALLON. Ewwwww....

Color and consistency are also important snot watching factors to consider when self-diagnosing. In fact, there was a handy snot color chart on a UK website that I visited...sort of a snot color wheel...

Clear...         
 You're normal.
White...
  You're congested.
Yellow...           
 Your cold or infection is progressing.
Green...             
 Your immune system is really fighting back.
Pink or Red...   
 This is blood.
Brown...           
 Could be blood. More likely something inhaled, like dirt, snuff, or paprika.
Black...             
 If you're not a smoker or user of illegal drugs, may indicate a serious fungal infection.

I'm not making this up, it really said all these things. I actually had to look up snuff because I thought it was something from bygone days but apparently, it's quite the thing to sniff up your nose. Who knew? I thought all smokeless tobacco went into your mouth. I also thought the paprika thing was kinda random too. We have red dirt where I live so my brown snot would be much more likely resulting from me inhaling red dirt than paprika.

Here's another little handy insight. The little drip at the end of your nose on a really cold day? The one that just hangs there and that you know the person you're talking to is staring at, wishing you'd have the decency to wipe your nose, but you can't because you're the one old lady in the whole world who doesn't have a Kleenex handy. It's water condensed out of the cold air passing over warm nasal tissues. It's not snot...or not much...

And here's another little appetizing factoid that I truly wish with all my heart I could un-know. The average non-sick person swallows 1.5 quarts of snot a day. Every day of my life I've been swallowing between one and two quarts of snot.

And you have too!

It's the Stoopidist Thing...

P.S. You're welcome for that last little tidbit of info.