Saturday, May 27, 2017


I read an article last week about the benefits of eating boogers. No kidding. The article said that scientists from Harvard and MIT, among other universities, claim that you shouldn't discourage booger eating in children...GROSS. Seems they think boogers contain a bunch of  "good bacteria" that can benefit your health...or, more specifically, your child's health...because if it benefited your health, that would mean you were eating your kid's boogers...which is doubly gross. Never in my life have I heard of anyone eating someone else's boogers.

I have questions...

Just how many boogers do you have to eat before noticing any health benefits? And for how long? Is there a maximum efficacy level? How are they measured?Size? Weight? Bacterial ingredient quantity? Do you need three heaping teaspoons a day? If that's the case you're probably gonna have to go to the local mucous market and grab a freeze dried "Bag O' Boogies". I would imagine they'd have to be dried, don't you think? Undried would be just too up-chuckable.

I'd like to know who thinks up this kind of thing? Who thinks this is the sort of habit that needs to be studied? And where do they get the people to participate in this kind of "study"? Would you? How much would it take in cold hard cash to let people watch you eat boogers? And record it...because you know they probably did.

I have dogs that like to eat horse poop and cat turds. I'm assuming they must get some nutritional value from them or they wouldn't be snarfing them down. Is something like that going to be next?

Maybe they didn't use "real" boogers, maybe they used "synthetic" boogers. Which, really wouldn't be eating boogers at all now would it? Like eating fake cheese.

Somehow, this seems like one of those stories that just can't be true. Everything about it seems like it would be too difficult. Finding participants...with sufficient quantity and quality boogerage to participate. Because I'm guessing hobo boogers have a different quality of bacteria than someone trying to live in a germ-free environment, wouldn't you?

The more I think about it, it probably wasn't any study about booger benefits at all. It was probably some college kids trying to see just what it would take to get people to eat their own boogers.

Just for the record...I'd eat a booger for a million bucks...and let someone record it...obviously, I have no's The Stoopidist Thing.