Friday, December 2, 2016

Turning The Table

I never know if it should be turning the tables or turning the table. Since I didn't know which was correct, I flipped a coin (in my head) and guessed. The singular won the toss. We oldsters are easily distracted by shit like this. And now that I look at it, doesn't it seem like "table" should be spelled t-a-b-e-l? It rhymes with "label", so you'd think it'd be spelled the same wouldn't you? Odd that I only just noticed this after decades of reading and writing it. This happens to me more than I care to admit.
Usually, when I go somewhere with Scari, of Old Chix fame, she's the one who publicly embarrasses something she says or does. If not about me, then directed toward me. For example...

One time a couple of decades ago, we were in a fairly nice department store, in the fragrance section. You know how they have testers sitting on the counter? Well, next to them were the "real" products, one of them being a scented stick of deodorant. Scari picked up the deodorant, popped off the lid, hiked up her shirt and started to stick it under her she was gonna use it right there in the fancy perfume section. 

Once she got the desired response...which was my horrified gasp, she cackled like an old chicken and put it back. She does this kind of shit all the time...loudly...and in front of people.

Today when we were at Costco, it was really crowded. Maybe because it's getting close to Christmas, or because it was the first of the month. In all honesty, if I'd remembered it was the first of the month, I never would've gone shopping. Crowds annoy me. Mostly because they cause lines...long, slow, checkout lines. Truth be told, I never really shop...I buy. I go into a store usually knowing what I'm there for, I get it, and I leave.  Easy peasy.

When we were headed to the checkout area, winding our way through the masses, I noticed a display at the end of an aisle. 

"Do you need another box of Preparation H?" I asked Scari...loudly, and in front of people.

I know it was really immature of me to  do this, but I have to admit, it was really's The Stoopidist Thing.

P.S. She tried to hit back with the "do you need Depends"? But it was weak and too slow...she might as well have said, "oh yeah, well so?"