You know when you say something and as soon as the words left your mouth, you knew instantly, it was the wrong thing to say? It's not like I've never done it before... truth be told, I do it all the time. You'd think that by now, I'd have learned...but noooooooo...I continue to open my mouth and shit falls out.
I went to an Old Chix Christmas gala at Scari's a few weeks ago. She fixed a bunch of food (which was really good) and we had adult beverages, as usual, and we all sat around eating, drinking, and generally being merry...which is what we really do best.
So we're all sitting around the table pokin' each other...verbally, not physically...that would be really creepy having a bunch of old people literally poking each other like a bunch of Pillsbury Doughboys...which we all are...except Dr. Norman...he's kind of a thin mint in his old age. But there we were and the conversation turned to the cruise that Scari, Lois, and I went on in October.
Scari was telling a story about a little tiff that she & Lois had with me putting in my two cents by casually mentioning that "this one never shuts up...she talks all the time" pointing at Scari.
I obviously have super human powers because the Killer Glare I got from Scari would have vaporized a mere mortal. To her credit, Lois laughingly nodded her head in agreement even as she cringed and became suddenly intent on some real or imagined crumb on the table so she wouldn't have to make eye contact with either of us. I'm surprised she didn't start clucking, the big chicken liver.
Maybe I would have been wiser to keep this bit of info to myself. But it was totally true. I just never noticed it before. Probably because when I'm with Scari, we're both yakking when we're driving somewhere or hangin' with the Old Chix. Or maybe because she's pretty snarky and makes me laugh. For whatever reason I never had a clue that she was a chronic gabber.
The next glare becomes less lethal, a simple Wounding Glare, when Scari says "Well, this is the first I've heard about this". Probably because by this time we were all laughing and she would have looked like a giant asshole if she got all pissy and defensive about it. But there it was...the cat was out of the bag and I was just gonna have to deal with the aftermath. (For a while I was getting single word text responses from the Scari One. I don't know why, it's not like I ever said anything about her text messages being too wordy...or that the day wasn't long enough for me to read one, or anything like that.)
Scari sometimes hangs out with a bunch of "kids" that she used to work with, I'll call them the "Young Chix"...and of course she had to ask them if, in fact, she did talk all the time. This is how she relayed their response.
Scari: So, I had lunch with Jen and Emily and I told them what you said about me, and I asked them if I talked a lot. And they said "errrr well we all talk a lot when we're together".
Me: So basically they agreed but just didn't want to say it.
Scari: Well....not really...well maybe sort of.
Me: I didn't say it was a bad thing, just that I'd never noticed it before.
Me In My Head: OMG I've created a fucking monster that I'm going to have to live with the rest of my fucking life. From now until the end of time, I'm going to hear things like "I'm sorry, am I talking too much?" "Oh I would have said something but I didn't want to be accused of talking too much." or "The Young Chix like me...they don't think I talk too much". I just know it...
Buncha chicken liver Young Chix. Although I can't in all good conscience say I blame them, after having experienced first hand, the Killer Glare. Maybe they'd already experienced the lesser, Wounding Glare, for some real or imagined slight and were afraid to tell the truth because then they'd get the Killer Glare and be instantly vaporized. Obviously they don't possess my super human powers rendering them immune from the Killer Glare.
Maybe when the Young Chix get old like me they, too, will magically be blessed with super human powers making them impervious to Killer Glares instantly vaporizing them...it's the Stoopidist Thing.
P.S. Now that I'm aware I have super human powers immunizing me from Killer Glares maybe there's other super human powers I have that I just haven't discovered. I wonder if I really can breathe under water and fly like I do in my dreams? Wouldn't that be too fucking cool for school???