Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Old Chix - III

Sunday was champagne brunch with the Old Chix (OC) at which mass quantities of food were consumed by all. We also consumed mass quantities of alcohol but fortunately were able to remain in our assigned seats. Nobody ended up passed out on the floor. Thank God. Not that that usually happens, but sometimes it could.

We had all the regulars there, me, Em, Elmo & Cee along with occasional OC, Lo, and new OC, Tee (who happens to be the oldest and looks younger than all of us...I secretly hate her guts..not really...okay maybe just a little).

Em was slightly crabby having had only a couple of hours sleep before rising to make herself beautiful for the get together. Which she succeeded, fabulously I might add, wearing an oversized grayish blue sweatshirt, blue jeans, and pink (yes pink) Uggs. I was particularly impressed with her fashionable garb. I was dressed similarly, except I had on black shoes.

Em is the same OC who watches a marathon of “Bridezillas” and still has the audacity to make fun of me for watching “Real Housewives”. I should have reminded her that “people who live in glass houses”...unfortunately, I didn’t think of it quick enough. That always happen...I never think of a snappy retort until two days have passed and it’s way too late...and since I’m old & have no memory, I can never remember the snappy retort that might work in another instance when I need it.

I think that has something to do with long & short term memory. You know how you’ll put something in a specific place that you’re sure you’re going to remember...keys for example..then an hour or so later, you can’t remember where you put them? Well I always thought that it was just the short term memory loss associated with old age...sort of a pre dementia phase of life...and eventually, when whatever I’d forgotten got to the long term memory portion of my brain, I’d remember. I was looking forward to all this great stuff I’d someday remember..names of people I see every day..money I put away for “a rainy day”...the fucking keys I can’t find...get the picture?. Then I started asking how long it took for something to go from short term to long term memory. Nobody could tell me...soooo...I turned to my old friend, Mr. Google...and guess what? It’s just a matter of seconds for a memory to go from short term to long term memory. So all that stuff I forgot is apparently gone for good. I don’t know whether to be bummed by this or whether it’s a good thing...

Also along for the ride in this pre dementia phase of my life is the inability to focus...which is why I’ve apparently gone off on a tangent about memory loss and strayed from the Old Chix gala....sooooo back to the Old Chix.

Cee & Lo (not to be confused with that rapper dude...these are old white wimmin), the fashion plates of the group, both dress to perfection wherever they go.  The rest of us...mmm...not so much.  Plus they're way more mannerly than the rest of us...

We spent three hours at that buffet...eating and drinking the whole time. One of the things I really like about buffet’s these days is I don’t have to drag out reading glasses to see what’s on the menu. I can just go get in line with a plate and heap food upon it to my hearts content, bypassing the yucky stuff like bran muffins and loading up on the yummy stuff like bacon...and tri tip...and chicken fried steak...and bacon...and mashed potatoes...and fried shrimp...and broccoli beef...and apple pie...and banana pie...and macaroni & cheese...I actually ate all these things, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. It didn’t seem nearly so bad until I wrote it all down. I’m such a friggin’ pig. You would think, by the way I eat, that I must have suffered some sort of food deprivation as a kid, wouldn’t you? Nothing could be further from the truth.

So before we get to our little foodfest, Em tells me she has a “new app” (she’s a gadget girl)on her phone...it’s some kind of “sound app”...as in “fart sounds”. She’s planning on activating it during the brunch. I think it’s a fine idea so after we’ve all had a little champagne she starts activating the “fart sounds”. Unfortunately it didn’t sound like someone was really farting, it sounded like a fake recording of farts. She & I laughed. Nobody else seemed to think it was as funny as we did. Cee & Lo (again, not to be confused with the aforementioned rapper dude) didn’t really laugh...Lo in particular seemed a little “above” our apparent eternally immature sense of humor. It would have been really funny if it’d sounded like “real” farts. I can’t help it...farts are funny.

I know I'm going off on another little tangent here, but since I’m prattling on about food... have you noticed that York Peppermint Patties (fun sized)are much flatter than they used to be? The diameter is bigger but the patty is flatter...I bet they’re trying to gyp us into paying more for less in some way...like they did when “they” quit making half gallons of ice cream...but charged the same price.

After the brunch I emailed Em to see if she wanted to go to a Xmas party that a friend of ours was having. I usually don’t do things like that but thought it might be fun to get out of the old comfort zone for once. Now she’s the one who’s all sweaty about whether she should go or not...what she should wear....jeeeeezzzzz...apparently I’m not the only one...it's the stoopidist thing.

P.S.  This time, I wasn't the one who left our little gala with her foot in her mouth.  We were talking about planning an out of town OC trip and Tee said she would have to see how her mom was doing (she's really, really old) before she could say if she'd be able to join us.  So Em decided to open her mouth and insert her foot....

Em:  "Well, yeah, unless she dies."

Tee:  Nada...zip...zero...crickets...she covers her face in horror. 

I, on the other hand, laughed because if you had seen the look on Tee's face when Em said that about her mom dying...it was fucking hysterical.  She looked shocked, like she wanted to laugh but knew she shouldn't, and horrified at the thought, all at once.  It was worth the price of admission and then some. 

Merry Christmas