Sunday, July 3, 2011

Sunday

So this morning I got up early to ride.  Since it's about a million degrees (okay...I'm exaggerating...a little) outside during the day, early morning is really the only time I enjoy riding.  I went over to OF's (Old Friend of undesirable snackage fame) house & we went for a little ride with OF's friend, Blondie,also a rabid consumer of undesirable snackage.  All in all it was a nice quiet little ride.  Nobody got bucked off, horses behaved, dogs got to go swimming, and we were done before it became so hot you could stand in the shade and sweat doing absolutely nothing.  The heat is not my friend.

OF is convinced that if only I try the right flavor of hummus, I'll like it. Though I'm fairly certain she's wrong about this, I agreed next time we got together I'd try some garlic flavored hummus that she thinks is fabulous and is sure I'm going to love.  All week long I've been worried that she's going to try to make me eat hummus again.  This morning I actually baked cookies (PW Malted Milk Chocolate Chip..mmmm) so there'd be something there that I know I like to eat in the event I needed to get the nasty hummus taste out of my mouth.  By the grace of God, fortune, or whatever, today I was spared (Thank you God)...she never even mentioned the hummus.  Now I'm starting to wonder if she's just making up the whole "special flavor" of hummus thing just so that I'll bring desirable snackage to her house. I think I may be on to something here...what does she think I am...stoopid???  Hummus or chocolate chip cookies..duh...would anyone in their right mind actually choose the former???

After being spared the undesirable snackage, OF had a chiropractic move she wanted to try on me.  This sort of makes it sound like she just randomly likes to practice unlicensed chiropractic treatment on people which isn't the case at all.  During the course of several emails, where I whined endlessly about my hip hurting, she responded telling me that she had a "miraculous" chiropractic type move she could do to fix it.  Today was the day.  After she "crossed her heart and hoped to die" that this wasn't one of those "pull my finger" type moves,  I agreed to let her practice unlicensed chiropractic therapy on me.  

I laid down on my back on her floor and OF grabbed my left ankle, twisted it toward my right ankle, and pretty much jerked my hip out of it's socket.  I screamed and tried to crawl away, but she held on...she wouldn't let go...she kept twisting my foot forcing me to roll back over onto my back..unbeknownst to me, the girl obviously had prior WWF experience...maybe she practices WWF moves in conjunction with her field chiropractic moves...I dunno...just a thought...  "I just didn't jerk hard enough" she shouted over my agonized screams.  "Hold still" she yelled "it didn't hurt that bad ya big sissy".  Another jerk and this time I thought I was going to pass out....

Just kidding, I made all that up.  There was no pain involved but that seemed kinda boring so I thought I'd embellish...just a tad.  Embellish sounds so much nicer than lie, doesn't it???  Which is what I did...told a lie...a big fat one too.  Even my lies are fat.   I wonder if the chocolate chip cookies make my lies big & fat too???

Not only did I have to lie about the whole thing, but the "miraculous move" also didn't work.  After we compared notes, it turns out her hip problem was in the front of her hip and mine was on the side.  Probably should've discussed this prior to getting my leg pulled (no pun intended).  I was obviously short changed at birth in the brains department and she obviously loses her layman's field chiropractic license for failing to determine the location of my injury prior to adjustment. 

In closing and since it's Sunday I feel compelled to thank God for yet another hummus free day in my life...it's the stoopidist thing.